Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Universal Truths

These were just too true and too funny not to pass on!!!!

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be toimmediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argumentwhen you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to napwhen I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they toldyou how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind oftired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a momentat work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive forthe rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes afterBlue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Wordand it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper thatI swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means Iwill never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times andgoes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone andrun away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good andthen not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so Iknow not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any givenFriday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto"routing option.
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I wasyounger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when Ifirst saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line betweenboredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say"What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hearor understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line ofcars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pantsnever get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber &dumber every year?
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you'resure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian Ihate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hatecyclists.
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive timesand still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail onthe Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze buttonfrom 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

No comments: