I owe my mother.....

I OWE MY MOTHER . . .
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION: ”You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT: “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY: “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: “W ill you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER: “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: “Stop acting like your father!” 15. My mother taught me about ENVY: “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTIC IPATION: “Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING: “You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP: “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOR: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS: “You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS: “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM: “When you get to be my age, 20 you’ll understand.”
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE: “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!