Hi all! I know I haven't written in awhile...things will start getting back to normal soon...I hope. Everyone went back to work this past Wednesday, so now I am just trying to get caught up on my housework, pre-school and e-mails. The following entries are from the CarePages. They were posts that I made on that for the last few days. Thought you might like to know what we have been up to.
Monday
Posted 2 days ago
Ugh...I was hoping that I would just skip this day...but the alarm clock went off and I knew that I had to follow through. It was not easy, but we all managed. We were and are so physically exhausted though. Will we ever feel rested again? I am told we will...but, it seems like it is so far off in the future. I got up, got all of the kids dressed...the husband too. It was awfully early for him! :-) Fed everyone and got ready for a very busy and emotionally demanding day. My 10 year old who was VERY close to nana, locked himself in the bathroom in tears because he SAID he didn't feel well. I thought it was just nerves...he did throw up in the middle of the night Monday night though...so maybe he had the flu after all. *Woops*. We met dad and Rhonda at Mom and Dad's house. We picked up the programs, and the pictures for the table...and a barf bag for Kayla...I guess she had been throwing up Sunday night. It's just going to go through the whole family. Just FYI...she did fine all day...no need for the barf bag...whew. Anyway, we got to the church around 9 and we set up the tables with the programs, the registry book, and the flowers and plants that KEPT coming in. One florist after another just kept bringing them in. We were afraid there wouldn't be many! There were flowers and plants EVERYWHERE! Mom was definitely a very loved woman. Was there ever any doubt though? :-) Around 9:30, the mortuary brought mom in. So strange to see this box that my mom was in. We put her up on stage amidst all the beautiful flowers and placed her picture on top.
Posted 2 days ago
Ugh...I was hoping that I would just skip this day...but the alarm clock went off and I knew that I had to follow through. It was not easy, but we all managed. We were and are so physically exhausted though. Will we ever feel rested again? I am told we will...but, it seems like it is so far off in the future. I got up, got all of the kids dressed...the husband too. It was awfully early for him! :-) Fed everyone and got ready for a very busy and emotionally demanding day. My 10 year old who was VERY close to nana, locked himself in the bathroom in tears because he SAID he didn't feel well. I thought it was just nerves...he did throw up in the middle of the night Monday night though...so maybe he had the flu after all. *Woops*. We met dad and Rhonda at Mom and Dad's house. We picked up the programs, and the pictures for the table...and a barf bag for Kayla...I guess she had been throwing up Sunday night. It's just going to go through the whole family. Just FYI...she did fine all day...no need for the barf bag...whew. Anyway, we got to the church around 9 and we set up the tables with the programs, the registry book, and the flowers and plants that KEPT coming in. One florist after another just kept bringing them in. We were afraid there wouldn't be many! There were flowers and plants EVERYWHERE! Mom was definitely a very loved woman. Was there ever any doubt though? :-) Around 9:30, the mortuary brought mom in. So strange to see this box that my mom was in. We put her up on stage amidst all the beautiful flowers and placed her picture on top.
We took pictures around her with dad and Rhonda and I...and then one with all of the grandbabies. 
The church was really decorated nicely too...Rob (our worship pastor) had beautiful piano music playing quietly as people walked in. People started coming around 10. It was so nice to see everyone. The family went into the choir room about 10:15 and prayed with Pastor Tim. At 10:30, we all filed out into the first 3 rows of the church. We needed them all. The service was excellent. Mandi Hofer sang mom's all time favorite song, How Great Thou Art, and Julia Anderson accompanied her and sang harmony. The last two verses the congregation (at least those who could) sang along. I was crying too hard to get the words out...but my spirit was singing. As soon as the song was done, I relaxed a bit...until I saw my husbands shoulders start to shake out of the corner of my eye! BOOGER! I knew not to look at him! Once I saw his shoulders stop shaking and saw him dab at his eyes, I thought it was safe to offer him a smile, at least one that I could muster out. The kids all did very well. As soon as we walked to our seats, Jeff handed Major off to Deana Ramsey. I heard him fuss a few times back there, but by the time we left the sanctuary, he was sleeping in her arms. The rest of the service was wonderful as well. Tim did a great job. Then Rob sang Amazing Grace, (My Chains are Gond), with Julia accompaining and harmonizing. They did spectacular as well. Then Uncle Ron (mom's big bro) read a poem that Rhonda and I wrote for mom:LILY OF THE VALLEY
-The meaning of Suzanne
-By the Stutzman Sisters
-By the Stutzman Sisters
Our mom was too young, just 62 years,
When she left us for heaven amidst all our tears.
Never a moment wasted, creating memories each day,
She loved life to the fullest, never forgetting to pray.
As a young girl she was feisty and more,
She threw her brother Dick out the screen door.
In high school she was all the boys’ dream,
Finishing school as Milford Centennial Queen.
A farm boy was the love of her life,
In October of ’64 she became his wife.
Over the next several years two daughters did come,
Mom sure did know how to show us some fun.
The mountains, camping, boating, skiing and bikes,
The beach, river rafting, Walt Disney and other sites.
She kept us real busy, traveling all around,
She loved being with her family, safe and sound.
Minnesota was a favorite vacation spot,
Relaxing on the boat, where many fish were caught.
She loved to listen to the sound of the loons,
Serenading her with their lullaby tunes.
Her passion for shopping grew every year,
With each grandchild she shopped even more, OH DEAR!
Sleep overs at Nana and Papas was such a delight,
The kids begged for more each and every night!
Taking the grandkids on trips and vacations galore,
Waterparks, amusement parks, Disneyworld and more.
Of course driving with mom we could sure learn,
She got everywhere making no left hand turns.
Nothing was more important than Faith, family and friends,
She loved them with a passion to the very end.
She had a heart that was as pure as gold,
Her courage and strength could be seen untold.
Our Momma, their Nana, his Wife, our Best Friend,
We love her, we miss her, will our hearts ever mend?
In Heaven wrapped in Gods arms you’ll always be,
We look forward to seeing you someday in eternity.
Then that went directly into a slide show that Rhonda and I made as well...with her husband Mike's help, we were able to get it set up for the church to play on a DVD. It was an awesome slide show. It made many a tear shed. I don't know that there was a dry eye in the house. Once I figure out how to get the slide show on here...I will post that too. Pictures first though...then I will get to the slide show! One thing at a time for my little brain! :-) Then they ushered us out to the luncheon. After getting the kids settled, Rhonda and I stood out in the hallway greeting everyone. Dad had stayed in the church doing that very thing also...we stood outside the luncheon. A lot of tears were shed in that hallway too. The luncheon was marvelous too. Thank you to all of you who made the luncheon, the service, the EVERYTHING happen. Our friend Christine Fukumoto even skipped Med School to come to the funeral...and we put her to work with all 7 of our kids at the luncheon! THANKS TINI!!!! Thanks to all of you who came. Mom said no one would come to her funeral, but I think we all proved her very wrong. There were about 150 at the church...and in Milford we figured about 100. Anyway, after the luncheon we cleaned up the church a bit and put mom in dad's van for one final ride with him...this time she couldn't throw her hand against the dashboard though when he was going to fast. We got to the cemetary around 2:15. The service was starting at 3. We set mom up and some of the flowers that we brought down around her. They had a nice tent up with chairs for the immediate family. IT WAS COLD...but it could have been worse. They actually said it would be worse...so the Lord blessed us there. The service started with Cloy Stutzman singing The Old Rugged Cross, and Tim gave his message. Then Cloy sang I'll Fly Away while Dad placed a single red rose in front of the urn, then each of the grandkids put a single yellow rose in front of the urn one at a time (Major had to have help from daddy), then each son in law put a single white rose in front of the urn one at a time, then Rhonda and I put a single pink rose in front of the urn one at a time. 
It was a very touching ceremony. People then gathered near and far to give "lovin" to dad, Rhonda and I. Soon people started leaving for the meal at the Methodist church and dad, Rhonda and I were left gazing at the urn. We each gave a kiss to the urn, and told mom we would be back after the meal. We headed to the church and set up the pictures. Oh...I forgot to tell you, at Brookside, we had a table up with all sorts of pictures new and old of mom and all of us and the grandkids. It was a lot of fun for people to look at. So, we set the same pictures up at the Methodist church where the meal was, and we brought down our tv to play the slide show for them to see as well. A lot of the people in Milford didn't come to Omaha and had not seen it, so it gave them a chance to see it. The meal was spectacular again. Thank you go all of you who put that together also! We were well fed that day...and actually we have been well fed since mom went to Hospice, THANK YOU to ALL OF YOU! Rhond and I left around 5:30ish to go see mom one last time. They had taken the chairs down and the tent and all that was left was the pile of dirt with the sprays laying on top. 
Mom and dad ordered a head stone some months ago...but it is not ready yet. I took some pictures again...I'll post those tomorrow too...and said our goodbyes. We left the kids in the car...it was cold and muddy. Just Rhonda, Mike, Jeff and I stood there saying goodbye. It was a touching moment. We got in the truck, and off we went. I slept off and I on the ride home...I think everyone did...except Jeff...and when we got home, I was so exhausted that I kept falling asleep on the couch, so I just went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling like I had just ran a marathon. Amazing what emotional grief can physically do to a body. I will write more tomorrow and post those pictures...but right now...since life is back to somewhat normal tomorrow (everyone has to go back to work and school), I have to go to bed. Thanks again for everything that all of you have done, whether it be in your words, a card you sent, flowers, food, plants, memorials, thoughts and prayers. Whatever you have done...we are forever grateful to you. Words couldn't possibly express our gratitude. Until tomorrow...
It was a very touching ceremony. People then gathered near and far to give "lovin" to dad, Rhonda and I. Soon people started leaving for the meal at the Methodist church and dad, Rhonda and I were left gazing at the urn. We each gave a kiss to the urn, and told mom we would be back after the meal. We headed to the church and set up the pictures. Oh...I forgot to tell you, at Brookside, we had a table up with all sorts of pictures new and old of mom and all of us and the grandkids. It was a lot of fun for people to look at. So, we set the same pictures up at the Methodist church where the meal was, and we brought down our tv to play the slide show for them to see as well. A lot of the people in Milford didn't come to Omaha and had not seen it, so it gave them a chance to see it. The meal was spectacular again. Thank you go all of you who put that together also! We were well fed that day...and actually we have been well fed since mom went to Hospice, THANK YOU to ALL OF YOU! Rhond and I left around 5:30ish to go see mom one last time. They had taken the chairs down and the tent and all that was left was the pile of dirt with the sprays laying on top. Mom and dad ordered a head stone some months ago...but it is not ready yet. I took some pictures again...I'll post those tomorrow too...and said our goodbyes. We left the kids in the car...it was cold and muddy. Just Rhonda, Mike, Jeff and I stood there saying goodbye. It was a touching moment. We got in the truck, and off we went. I slept off and I on the ride home...I think everyone did...except Jeff...and when we got home, I was so exhausted that I kept falling asleep on the couch, so I just went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling like I had just ran a marathon. Amazing what emotional grief can physically do to a body. I will write more tomorrow and post those pictures...but right now...since life is back to somewhat normal tomorrow (everyone has to go back to work and school), I have to go to bed. Thanks again for everything that all of you have done, whether it be in your words, a card you sent, flowers, food, plants, memorials, thoughts and prayers. Whatever you have done...we are forever grateful to you. Words couldn't possibly express our gratitude. Until tomorrow...Tuesday
Posted 24 hours ago
Tuesday was the last day that everyone had off of work...so Rhonda and I worked hard on getting the Funeral book written in, organizing the flowers and plants, giving them to people who helped us out a bunch, writing out thank you cards, etc. We only got about a quarter of the way done with thank you cards though! Thanks to all of you who sent cards...it meant a lot to us to read them and know that your thoughts and prayers were and are with us. I HONESTLY don't feel like ANY of us would have pulled through as well as we did if it weren't for all of your thoughts and prayers. In hindsight, we all did fairly well emotionally and physically...and it is ONLY because of you all. I am told though that the weeks to come will be very difficult, especially for my dad trying to figure things out and being alone in the house, etc. Thanks for all of you who sent Memorial donatins to the Cancer Center. We raised quite a large sum in moms name. THANK YOU! One of my missions now is to stamp out Breast Cancer. Won't you join me?? I am planning on keeping this care pages active as long as the memory of my mother is still alive...which to me, will be forever. I won't update it as often...obviously...but when something comes up for Breast Cancer Awareness...I will let you know...or...I will just journal my thoughts when I or we have bad days and miss mom tremendously. I am posting a bunch of photos from the services. Rhonda and dad and I are also going to get together this weekend to finish off the thank you cards, etc. Words truly can't tell you all enough, how grateful we all are for your outpouring of love and kindness to us. Oh...and the slide show...as soon as we figure out how to get it on Carepages...I will certainly do that! I am still curious...any great, funny, controversial (ha) stories about mom??? DO SHARE!!!
Posted 24 hours ago
Tuesday was the last day that everyone had off of work...so Rhonda and I worked hard on getting the Funeral book written in, organizing the flowers and plants, giving them to people who helped us out a bunch, writing out thank you cards, etc. We only got about a quarter of the way done with thank you cards though! Thanks to all of you who sent cards...it meant a lot to us to read them and know that your thoughts and prayers were and are with us. I HONESTLY don't feel like ANY of us would have pulled through as well as we did if it weren't for all of your thoughts and prayers. In hindsight, we all did fairly well emotionally and physically...and it is ONLY because of you all. I am told though that the weeks to come will be very difficult, especially for my dad trying to figure things out and being alone in the house, etc. Thanks for all of you who sent Memorial donatins to the Cancer Center. We raised quite a large sum in moms name. THANK YOU! One of my missions now is to stamp out Breast Cancer. Won't you join me?? I am planning on keeping this care pages active as long as the memory of my mother is still alive...which to me, will be forever. I won't update it as often...obviously...but when something comes up for Breast Cancer Awareness...I will let you know...or...I will just journal my thoughts when I or we have bad days and miss mom tremendously. I am posting a bunch of photos from the services. Rhonda and dad and I are also going to get together this weekend to finish off the thank you cards, etc. Words truly can't tell you all enough, how grateful we all are for your outpouring of love and kindness to us. Oh...and the slide show...as soon as we figure out how to get it on Carepages...I will certainly do that! I am still curious...any great, funny, controversial (ha) stories about mom??? DO SHARE!!!
Wednesday/Thursday...and story...
Posted 6 minutes ago
Wednesday was Jeff's birthday...with everything going on in such a whirlwind the last few weeks, it was an easy day to forget...but I did my best to make it special for him. I ran into Dad and Duane at Cabella's doing the same thing I was doing...shopping for Jeff. We had a nice birthday celebration at our house Wednesday night. Thursday was dad's first day/night alone. The last of our family, Duane, Ivan and Vicki, left around 8am. I can't say for sure how he is doing since I am not there with him...but everytime I called him (he will have to get used to it, I used to talk to mom 6 times a day!), he was doing fine. Just keeping busy! He was doing paperwork today...he had already stripped all the beds and changed them, laundered them and folded them...he was busy, busy, busy. Gee...imagine that. Tomorrow his plan is to clean the house. He told me he actually kinda like domestic work! Too bad it took him 62 years to learn that! Now...if I could just get Jeff to like domestic work as well! :-) Anyway, I did need some help from dad tonight...so I broke up his evening a bit for him. Yesterday my truck...kinda overheated...the transmission had a problem. So...dad had brought me mom's van to drive until we got my truck fixed. Well...it just needed Trainy fluid, so it was a quick fix...so Jeff says...I hope he is right. Anyway, I took the van back this evening with Major. Everyone else was at hockey and/or figure skating. We picked him up...I dropped off some food that people have been bringing me from church...thanks again...and we went to KMart where I went to get dog food and he entertained Major in the back seat. Then I ran to the post office while he entertained again, then home. Then, he drove the van back to his house. So...I gave him about an hour of things to do! I didn't ask him how he is doing...but he seems fine. Rhonda and I will go over Saturday to finish thank you cards and spend some time with him.
Okay...the story that I had mentioned in an earlier post that I wasn't sure was appropriate yet? I think I can mention it now. My friends at church who know the story think that it is fine and that some if not all of you SHOULD get a kick out of it. You have to consider my sense of humor...and my mom's too. She would also think this was funny. So...you know how my mom was ALWAYS so hot? She ALWAYS had the house cold, she ALWAYS had a fan on, even in below zero temperature...even at the hospital the last few weeks, it was FREEZING and she had to have her fan on. At the house the last few days of her life dad had to cover the vent so warm air wouldn't go into her room, he had a fan in there for her and she rarely had more than a sheet covering her. Even up to and after her death, her feet (which we were told would get cold), were still nice and toasty warm. Well...we went to the mortuary Wednesday, the day after her death...and they told us they would be cremating her that evening. Dad was watching the news that night and THAT VERY mortuary was on the news because their crematorium overheated. At first we were all very disgusted and heart broken thinking that anything could have happened to mom. We know she isn't really there...but...well...you know. So the next day dad drove down there...he just wanted to know. They said everything was fine, it was just some sort of bucket of oil...yada, yada, yada. So...Friday we went to the church to copy all of the programs for her services. The copier REALLY was stinking up the place. Everyone kept coming in saying what is burning because it was a VERY hot smell...like it was overheating. Hmmm...I started seeing a common denominator. Was mom sending me a message? Was she being her honery self??? It would be just like mom. For those of you who don't know her very well...she could be pretty honery! The day of the funeral it was supposed to be a mere 20 degrees. In fact, it was 40+. Hmmm...mom's body heat was working over time again! So...as if that wasn't enough...my truck, the same truck that she has always hated...had an transmission, overheating problem. I just thought that was all too coincidental. Of course, maybe now I am looking for things...but whatever the case may be, I enjoy thinking that mom is doing these things...it makes me feel like she is still with us being honery as ever! If you find these storied inappropriate, I am sorry...like I said, it gives me comfort thinking that she is right by my side.
MaKenna keeps praying for Nana to get better. Poor thing...she just doesn't fully get it. Tonight she said during her prayer, "God, I miss Nana, please make her feel better and not be sick anymore." Little does she know, Nana does feel better and she is not sick anymore...but I think she thinks Nana will be coming back. It is hard explaining it to a 4 year old. All I said was that was a nice prayer, thank you. I didn't know what else to say.
Blessings....talk to you Saturday...I'll let you know how the thank you cards went...and maybe I can get the slide show on then!
Posted 6 minutes ago
Wednesday was Jeff's birthday...with everything going on in such a whirlwind the last few weeks, it was an easy day to forget...but I did my best to make it special for him. I ran into Dad and Duane at Cabella's doing the same thing I was doing...shopping for Jeff. We had a nice birthday celebration at our house Wednesday night. Thursday was dad's first day/night alone. The last of our family, Duane, Ivan and Vicki, left around 8am. I can't say for sure how he is doing since I am not there with him...but everytime I called him (he will have to get used to it, I used to talk to mom 6 times a day!), he was doing fine. Just keeping busy! He was doing paperwork today...he had already stripped all the beds and changed them, laundered them and folded them...he was busy, busy, busy. Gee...imagine that. Tomorrow his plan is to clean the house. He told me he actually kinda like domestic work! Too bad it took him 62 years to learn that! Now...if I could just get Jeff to like domestic work as well! :-) Anyway, I did need some help from dad tonight...so I broke up his evening a bit for him. Yesterday my truck...kinda overheated...the transmission had a problem. So...dad had brought me mom's van to drive until we got my truck fixed. Well...it just needed Trainy fluid, so it was a quick fix...so Jeff says...I hope he is right. Anyway, I took the van back this evening with Major. Everyone else was at hockey and/or figure skating. We picked him up...I dropped off some food that people have been bringing me from church...thanks again...and we went to KMart where I went to get dog food and he entertained Major in the back seat. Then I ran to the post office while he entertained again, then home. Then, he drove the van back to his house. So...I gave him about an hour of things to do! I didn't ask him how he is doing...but he seems fine. Rhonda and I will go over Saturday to finish thank you cards and spend some time with him.
Okay...the story that I had mentioned in an earlier post that I wasn't sure was appropriate yet? I think I can mention it now. My friends at church who know the story think that it is fine and that some if not all of you SHOULD get a kick out of it. You have to consider my sense of humor...and my mom's too. She would also think this was funny. So...you know how my mom was ALWAYS so hot? She ALWAYS had the house cold, she ALWAYS had a fan on, even in below zero temperature...even at the hospital the last few weeks, it was FREEZING and she had to have her fan on. At the house the last few days of her life dad had to cover the vent so warm air wouldn't go into her room, he had a fan in there for her and she rarely had more than a sheet covering her. Even up to and after her death, her feet (which we were told would get cold), were still nice and toasty warm. Well...we went to the mortuary Wednesday, the day after her death...and they told us they would be cremating her that evening. Dad was watching the news that night and THAT VERY mortuary was on the news because their crematorium overheated. At first we were all very disgusted and heart broken thinking that anything could have happened to mom. We know she isn't really there...but...well...you know. So the next day dad drove down there...he just wanted to know. They said everything was fine, it was just some sort of bucket of oil...yada, yada, yada. So...Friday we went to the church to copy all of the programs for her services. The copier REALLY was stinking up the place. Everyone kept coming in saying what is burning because it was a VERY hot smell...like it was overheating. Hmmm...I started seeing a common denominator. Was mom sending me a message? Was she being her honery self??? It would be just like mom. For those of you who don't know her very well...she could be pretty honery! The day of the funeral it was supposed to be a mere 20 degrees. In fact, it was 40+. Hmmm...mom's body heat was working over time again! So...as if that wasn't enough...my truck, the same truck that she has always hated...had an transmission, overheating problem. I just thought that was all too coincidental. Of course, maybe now I am looking for things...but whatever the case may be, I enjoy thinking that mom is doing these things...it makes me feel like she is still with us being honery as ever! If you find these storied inappropriate, I am sorry...like I said, it gives me comfort thinking that she is right by my side.
MaKenna keeps praying for Nana to get better. Poor thing...she just doesn't fully get it. Tonight she said during her prayer, "God, I miss Nana, please make her feel better and not be sick anymore." Little does she know, Nana does feel better and she is not sick anymore...but I think she thinks Nana will be coming back. It is hard explaining it to a 4 year old. All I said was that was a nice prayer, thank you. I didn't know what else to say.
Blessings....talk to you Saturday...I'll let you know how the thank you cards went...and maybe I can get the slide show on then!
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